With the recent interstate accident leading to monkeys on the loose in our community, it’s too bad I didn’t think of this mental health principle earlier. Asian hunters have a unique way of capturing monkeys. They cut a small hole in a gourd and place some food inside. There is barely enough space for the monkey’s hand to fit through the hole to grab the food. The gourd is firmly attached to the ground. Once the monkey grasps the food with a clinched fist, its hand is too big to pull out. Of course, the monkey could get unstuck by releasing the food, but the monkey remains trapped by nothing more than its own unwillingness to let go.
In much the same way, we get trapped by our own unbending beliefs, expectations, or insatiable desires that keep us stuck in an unhealthy place for much longer than we ever expected. The solution to getting free is to let go. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth the trouble to acknowledge that something in the gourd has me trapped. With time, support, and patience with ourselves, we can make the choice to be free.
Let’s say I’m holding tightly to an unbending belief that by Christmas, I will have found my soul mate. Devastation is my trap if it doesn’t happen that way. Finding a soul mate sometime in the future is a healthy plan, but to say it must happen by this Christmas is a trap.
Maybe it’s my expectation that this will be a perfect Christmas with family. Then, I see it’s not. My feelings of disappointment or blame can override the joy I could have experienced had I let go of my unrealistic expectation. We let go by accepting that no one’s family is perfect.
The insatiable desire to spend more money than I have at Christmas can be an economic problem until next Christmas. Thinking I have to spend huge amounts on gifts so people will love me or to get everything I asked for by the people on my list is unrealistic. I can let go of that desire.
Letting go can be a tremendous gift to yourself this Christmas. I hope that yours is filled with peace, happiness, joy, and no gourds.
