“Don’t take life for granted. It’s easy to get caught up in business. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily routines of life and to get frustrated because everything in today’s society is fast paced,” advised Matthew Stokley. “It seems like a lot of times you just go home at night, go straight to bed, and get back at it the next day and don’t really feel like you have time for yourself. Just slow down and make time for your family because when everything is moving, they are still there. When it comes down to it, your job and possessions can easily be replaced, but your family is with you through it all. Don’t get so caught up in your schedule that you forget that there is life outside of schedules and routines. Just take the time to make memories and live a good life.”
Matthew Stokley understands just how precious life and family is thanks to both his job and different situations in his own life. He doesn’t take life for granted and does everything he can to spend time with family and be a blessing to everyone around him.
Matthew is called to the ministry, and he also has a job that allows him to help and comfort families in their greatest time of loss.
“I can bless you and dress you since I’m a funeral director and a preacher. I am a funeral director and embalmer at Robert Barham Family Funeral Home. I meet with families and make arrangements and take care of all the details of the funeral service and work the funerals. I also do the embalming process and meet with the families. I just do a little bit of everything with the funeral home,” explained Matthew. “My ultimate goal is ministry. I do hope for God to open the door to full-time ministry one day. My wife and I help with the youth ministry at our church. We’re co-youth pastors with another couple.”
In 2020, Matthew received news that no one ever wants to hear; however, he can easily look back and see how God was with him working everything out from the beginning.
“I found out I had cancer on June 29, 2020, and my wife was pregnant when we found out about the cancer. I had gone to Jackson for a regular colonoscopy. I had originally scheduled it in Meridian, and my Meridian doctor cancelled on me a week before I had the colonoscopy. My mom got on the phone with them because I had been having some problems and we didn’t want to wait. We called Jackson, and they said they had an appointment opening on the same day I was supposed to have been in Meridian and that I didn’t have to be Covid tested. I made the appointment and had my colonoscopy that Monday,” remembered Matthew. “When I woke up, there were nurses drawing blood from my arm, and I saw my wife come in and sit down. This was when Covid was just starting up and you had to go do everything by yourself. Immediately, the doctor walked in after my wife came into the room and told me I had cancer. I was at the end of stage 3 cancer, and it was on its way to developing into stage 4 cancer. If I had waited and had my colonoscopy in Meridian, it could very well have developed and spread to other parts of my body and become stage 4.”
Immediately, they arranged appointments with doctors to decide on the best path to take to fight the cancer. It was decided that he would undergo surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments.
“On July 1, we went to my surgeon and talked to and scheduled some things with him. He told me I had a tumor in my colon that was about the size of a tennis ball. He told me that it was so big where the tumor was that he also wanted me to go through five and a half weeks of chemo and radiation. I got 28 radiation treatments. I had a port put in, and every Monday I would go and let them put a pump on that would constantly pump chemo in my system through Friday. It wasn’t a very strong chemo; they said it was just to make the radiation work better,” recalled Matthew. “I was scheduled for surgery in October, and my wife was eight months pregnant at the time. We were very nervous because the doctor had told us that the surgery he would have to do was very extensive and not normal procedure. We waited at the hospital for 12 hours before they took me back for surgery because he had so many surgeries that day and wanted to save me for last to make sure that everything was done right because of how serious it was.”
The surgery successfully removed the majority of the cancer, but it was hard on Matthew. Although he was dealing with excruciating pain, Matthew was blessed to have his loving wife at his side through the entire ordeal.
“I have never been in so much pain. When I came to, I found out that I almost died during the procedure. They couldn’t get me to wake up. My wife said they brought me into the room and that every time I would wake up I would be in so much pain that it would cause me to go back to sleep. They had put a morphine pump on me, but they couldn’t give me any medicine because they couldn’t get me to wake up. They had to put me on oxygen because my oxygen levels were so low,” recalled Matthew. “My wife had been there the whole time, and I don’t think she had eaten anything all day at eight months pregnant. When I finally came to, I realized she had sat in a straight chair all night long. They let her stay the first night and then told her the next day that she had to go on home. She pretty much had a sleepless night up worrying.”
Once he was fully awake, Matthew had to not only heal from surgery, but he also had to learn and adjust to a new way of living. After recovering from the surgery, Matthew had to handle another phase of making sure that the cancer would be eliminated: chemotherapy. This time, however, the chemo was much more intense and had more of an impact on his health.
“I spent a week in the hospital after that and was in the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I had to adjust from normal living to having an ileostomy bag. That was difficult because I had to learn how to clean and change everything while being so sore. Then, I went home to heal,” expressed Matthew. “I met with my oncologist again, and he told me that they got most of the cancer but that there were still some cells in there. He said it could take years to show up again and that a tumor the size of a grape would take three to eight years to form. He said that they got most of it but that he wasn’t satisfied with just most and wanted to get it all. He decided to put me on chemo again, but this time it was a stronger chemo. Every two weeks for four months I would go for my chemo treatments on a Tuesday and have my injection, and they hooked me up to a pump to pump another type of chemo so that I had double chemo. The pump would go until Thursday and then I’d have to have it taken off. Then they would give me a shot to help my body produce more blood cells since chemo kills everything. The chemo gave me cold sensitivity and nausea. Thursdays and Fridays on chemo week would be so bad that I couldn’t even lift my head, and I’d sleep all the time. My wife was on bed rest at the time, so my mother and mother-in-law were our heroes and would get groceries and cook food and everything for us.”
Although he was sick more often than he felt well, he planned an anniversary trip with his wife. The trip was to take place at the very end of his time for chemo treatments, but before they could make it to their trip, they had another scare.
“I had my next to last chemo treatment on a Tuesday and the shot on Thursday, and it was before our anniversary, so we were taking an anniversary trip. I had already booked a condo and was going to just sit in the condo since I couldn’t really get out from feeling so bad,” stated Matthew. “I was lying in bed at home and just couldn’t wake up. I got in the bathtub and couldn’t make myself wake up and get out of the bathtub. My wife was on bedrest and couldn’t really do anything, so I finally mustered the strength to get out of the bathtub. My wife checked my blood pressure, and it was 77 over 49. I believe I would have died that night if she hadn’t made me go to the emergency room. I went to the emergency room and was severely dehydrated. They thought I had sepsis and all this stuff going on, and we thought we were going to have to cancel our anniversary trip; however, on Sunday they couldn’t find anything wrong. We had prayer, and the Lord worked everything out, so they sent me back home. We went home and then on our anniversary trip.”
Finally, he was able to complete his chemo treatments. Although the chemo has finished, he still has lasting effects from the chemotherapy.
“When I went for my last treatment, they took my blood and sent me home because my blood levels were so low that it would have killed me if I would have taken treatment. They sent me home for a month to get my blood levels back up before they would even think about giving me my last treatment. I waited the month and took my last treatment. Now, I’m in the waiting period for six months before I go back for a CT scan,” said Matthew. “I had all the stuff associated with chemo: sensitivity to cold, nausea, and hair loss. I developed neuropathy because of the chemo so that it feels like needles are going through my hands whenever I touch anything, and it gets hard to walk.”
His mom made him a special gift for his last treatment. She had a bell engraved especially for him, and it will be something that he will treasure forever.
“My mom actually personalized a bell. The day before I found out I had cancer I had preached about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and how they went through the fire and that the Lord was with them through their trials,” explained Matthew. “My mom actually had a bell engraved with Cancer Meet Jesus on one side and the scripture I preached from the day before, Daniel 3:27, on the other side.”
While he was undergoing treatments, Matthew was still focused on his ministry. He used some of that time to further his education and work towards being able to be ordained.
“During the latter part of chemo, I was working on ordination stuff. We had courses that we had to take. I’m licensed right now. We have three stages of licensure. You start at a local license and then go to a general license that gives you more freedom. Basically, you’re trying to prove your ministry during those two stages,” expressed Matthew. “I finished all my courses and met with the district board of the United Pentecostal church. They approved me at the very end of my chemo process, and I’m supposed to be ordained in July.”
It may not have been an easy journey for Matthew and his wife, but he can look back and still see great blessings that were given to him during that time period. One of the greatest blessings he received at the time was his daughter, Lily Grace.
“Also during that chemo process, we were in the hospital with the baby. That was really tough because I was weak from chemo, but the hospital was wonderful. We had really good nurses that made sure that I never left the room to get food because they didn’t want me walking the halls and risk catching Covid because of how low my immune system was,” declared Matthew. “We wondered why God allowed my wife to be pregnant before I found out I had cancer because it didn’t seem like it fit. When she got here, she is still a ray of hope for everything. It was definitely a blessing and has been good for us.”
Through the experience, he had even greater blessings with his job at the funeral home. He can’t brag enough on his amazing bosses and how much they love and have taken care of his family since he found out he had cancer. He is most grateful for the blessing they have been to him.
“I have the best boss in the entire world. When he first found out I had cancer, he told me to go home and not worry about a thing. He made it where my wife and I never worked during that time period, but I’ve never missed a check. He still paid me every two weeks and paid my wife her salary. He even gave us a Christmas bonus,” Matthew gratefully stated. “He took care of us through it all and is just a phenomenal man, and that’s a wonderful family. They took care of us when most employers would have found someone else to take the job.”
His job wasn’t the only one that was accommodating to him during the time. His church also made a way for him to safely attend when he was able.
“All this was happening during Covid, and I wasn’t really supposed to get around anybody. My church, Abundant Life Tabernacle, made a way for me when I could come,” explained Matthew. “They taped off a section so that no one could get to close to us, and we had our own door that we could walk through. We had a key to a locked door that we could use that would take us to our little portion of the sanctuary. People were able to talk to us from the tape so that we would be socially distanced. Our church was very helpful in making it where we could actually come and worship.”
One of his church members even presented him with something special so that he could be covered in the word while undergoing treatments.
“One of the gentlemen at our church actually came through cancer. He lived in Maryville, Tennessee, prior to moving back to Meridian. His name is Brother Larry Melton, and he’s a lay minister at our church. He went through cancer when he was in Maryville, and a lady in Maryville made him a quilt and wrote scriptures that talk about healing all over the quilt,” described Matthew. “He gave that quilt to me and said he wanted me to have it and be covered in the Word. They presented it to us in a church service, and I was told to give it to someone else who needs it after I come through my cancer. That was a priceless gift. I haven’t given it to anyone yet, but when I do find someone that needs it I’ll give it to them.”
The past year has been a roller coaster of emotions for Matthew and his family, but they have always had faith and trusted God to take care of their every need. No matter how bad the situation seemed, Matthew always maintained his joyful spirit and did everything he could to make the most of his situation and spend time with family. He has an even more powerful testimony, and he will use that to help as many people as he can.
